Learning Mumblespeak

James L. Davis

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about children over the years it is that it doesn’t matter how firm your grasp may be on your own sanity, they will find new and inventive ways to pry your fingers free.

The amazing thing is the almost unlimited ways that children can find to further develop that nervous twitch in your eye. Take asking a simple question, for instance. You would think (if you were sane and rational) that asking a simple question would be a fairly straightforward proposition when dealing with your children. But in that you would be wrong.

If there was such a thing as the University of Parental Preparation one of the required courses I am quite sure would be one on effective questioning and if there was such a university and such a course I would sign up immediately because it is quite obvious that I need some help.

I’ve learned through experience that it is not simply the words you use to phrase a question; it is the inflection in your voice that counts the most. I can ask my children the same question a dozen times and end up with a different answer each time, depending on the tone of my voice.

Usually the tone of my voice is one of resignation and defeat, which invokes a response from my children of complete disinterest. My children have taken this response pattern to new levels and they are now capable of answering my questions without even opening their mouths. Heartfelt questions from me such as “why is the toaster in the refrigerator?” are answered with a guttural “hm emm humm.” For those of you who do not understand Mumblespeak, allow me to translate. In this case, “hm emm humm” means “dear father, I was in the midst of doing my chores because I love you and I know that it is your desire that I perform my chores. So I was cleaning off the counters when I became distracted by the incessant buzzing of my cell phone text messaging, so I put the toaster in the refrigerator. Please, please, take my cell phone away from me so that I can concentrate at the task at hand. I am afraid that I am not as adept at multitasking as I had supposed. By the way, the milk is under the counter.” Of course, it could also mean “I didn’t do it” or it could even be a mere guttural response to convince me to go and ask someone else.

Usually my children speak to me in Mumblespeak when I am asking them such probing questions as “have you done your homework, chores, put the dog out, seen your brothers or sisters, spoken to your mom lately, had a good day, a bad day, brushed your teeth in the past week, seen my wallet, seen the money that used to be in my wallet or changed the cat litter box?”

Of course, because of the difficulty in translating Mumblespeak, as a family we quite often run into communication problems because my children have told me something in Mumblespeak that I have mistranslated. This usually occurs when they have a school assignment to complete, need a parent to provide transportation for them and eight of their closest friends, or have plans that require us to take out a second mortgage on the home to finance.

On more than one occasion I have been sitting quite comfortably in my recliner allowing my eyes to roll back in their sockets when one of my children will come up to me with a look of earnest anticipation on their face.

“Are your ready?” they will ask.

“Ready for what?” I will ask back, letting my eyes roll forward again so I can see with them.

“You’re going to give us a ride to Price, remember?”

My eyes at this point will begin to roll back in their socket again.

“No, I don’t remember. When did you ask?”

“Two weeks ago.”

“What did you ask?”

“I asked hm emm humm.”

“Well, of course you did.”

Occasionally my children will remember that they have spoken to me in Mumblespeak and they will have a moment of enlightenment when they realize that I may not have understood them. This usually occurs when I have asked them if they have homework and they respond with “humm humm emm hm” which means “dear father, of course I have homework. I fear that I may forget that I have homework, so please, please remind me so that I can get my homework done” which I have mistakenly translated to be “no, I don’t have any homework.”

Then, later in the evening, usually just as I am putting them to bed something in their mind pops (if you listen closely you can even hear this pop of clarity) and they remember that for some reason I have not reminded them that they have homework and they will become quite agitated because they have a 10 page essay on effective communication due in the morning.

At which point they will look at me pleadingly and ask “what am I going to do?”

To which I respond “hm emm humm.”

Leadership shortage felt the world over

Jerry Stotler

There is currently a large concern regarding the shortage of leaders, not only in the U.S., but the world over. If you Google “leadership shortage” on the web you’ll find plenty of listings to keep you busy reading. An article in the Houston Chronicle in April of 2007 stated that, “A study last year (2006) estimated the U.S. nonprofit industry needs to hire, starting this year (2007) through 2016, 640,000 executives, or 2.4 times the number currently employed in the industry” That’s just one industry! There are also government, private large and small businesses, churches, sports, education and more. The National School Boards Association wrote on 4/15/07, “Raising leaders is the next imperative.”

When evaluating a leader’s potential, we need to recognize the soft skills as well as the more obvious hard skills. Hard skills are the technical skills needed to do a job, often learned in school, like engineering the road bed, running machinery, painting stripes; screwing dry wall screws and get wall covered; opening a chest, repairing the heart, closing the chest and moving on to the next patient; meeting the prospect, making the presentation and closing the sale. Those are hard skills and they are learned.

Soft skills include understanding ourselves, what makes people tick (the four personality types), understanding our strengths, not pretending to be someone else, managing ourselves (e.g. our time management), self discipline (like being on time), the ability to give undivided attention to the project at hand, attentive listening, correct decision making, conflict resolution, visioneering and inspiring the vision in others. A leader also anticipates problems that will impede the progress of his plan. These soft skills are also learned and taught.
Many years ago I was taught that 80 percent of job losses were because of poor interpersonal relations, so conflict resolution is a valuable skill. Far too many people have the idea that leading people is bossing them around. That is not leading, it is merely a poor way of managing people. As soon as you turn your back, your subordinates start slacking off.

The ability to inspire his direct subordinates as well as the rest of those with whom he interacts is a significant part of leadiership. Leading with character by setting the example of honesty and integrity is also a top priority. (Has anybody heard of Enron? You may remember Andrew Fastow, their CFO. And how about Martha Stewart and her shady stock broker?) There have been too many bad examples in the last two decades of how not to lead. That’s why it is so important to develop character-based leadership. Character is doing the right things for the right reasons, even when you are alone, and, if necessary, even at great personal cost.
Here are seven questions I picked up on the internet that may help you evaluate your leadership training camp:

1. Does your organization have the leadership bench strength to staff its growth plans?

2. Has your company experienced a long-term vacancy in a key leadership position (general manager or above) in the last year? Did you have to go outside to fill the position? What was the cost to the organization?

3. Has the organization had to compromise on leadership quality to fill certain positions?

4. What percentage of your leaders would be selected if they were applying for their current positions today?

5. Have the business challenges faced by your top leaders changed significantly during the past 5–10 years?

6. Would your current executives say that they felt adequately prepared for their top management role when they first took it on?

7. How many people who are ready or are being groomed for promotion, typically leave the organization before they get that promotion?

There is not a shortage of people wanting higher paid jobs. The shortage is of character based leaders. In Launching a Leadership Revolution, the Wall Street Journal’s #1 best selling business book, authors Woodward and Brady explain the importance of character based leadership and the five levels of leadership: learning, performing, leading, developing leaders and developing leaders who develop leaders. They state that foundational qualities for a character-based leader are Hungry, Hone-able and Honorable. With the spread of the liberal philosophy throughout our culture, that last item can be a little difficult to find. We recently had a President who had a problem in that area, as well as executives at Enron and their accounting firm, as well as Martha Stewart.

From the employee point of view, we are all called to lead at some point in our lives, whether it be major or minor, whether at home, on the job, in the community or at church. Will you be ready to handle that opportunity? Will you fall short, or will the opportunity be passed on to the next person because you are not prepared? Leadership is learned. Are you preparing for your opportunity? The degree to which you handle that opportunity determines whether you have a better opportunity later. Sooner or later your supervisor is going to move up or out. Are you training yourself to take that job? Are you learning the soft skills needed to lead those who are now your peers? Are you growing your attitude and your leadership IQ, or are you the same employee you were last year and the year before. If you are not growing, you are being left behind by those that are. If you have been doing the same job for twenty years, you don’t have twenty years of experience. You have what is essentially one year of experience twenty times. Grow or be left behind. You probably realize that if you are not learning over time, you will become mentally stagnant. I was like that, I hadn’t read a book in 12 years. When I finally read a good book, it was like a breath of oxygen. (It was the Richest Man in Babylon.)

Hard jobs pay more than easy jobs so learn the next harder job. Leadership is the highest paid profession in the world. Assume some of the responsibility from your supervisor, take some of the load upon you so that when the time comes for a promotion you are more ready than anyone else. Then you will be the logical choice. Learn not just the hard skills, but learn the soft skills as well.

There is now push to develop leaders in North America. In some large companies there is a sense of urgency. They are seeking help from leadership development companies and programs to help speed the process. Employers need to train and employees need to learn both the hard skills and the soft skills. Grow your talents and abilities. If you won’t learn to lead then resign yourself to being told what to do the rest of your life. The hardest person of all to lead is yourself. Either learn to lead or be left behind. (Stotler is a resident of Ferron.)