Watch your language

James L. Davis

I am not a man who likes to cuss. You’ll notice I did not say that I am a man not prone to cuss, because I am a man prone to cuss. I just don’t like it. But like it or not, sometimes my mouth will form a cuss word or two and spit them out before I can stop it, usually when I am trying to get something working again that has inexplicably stopped working.

“Well, why won’t you blankety blank blank…” my mouth will say and I will find myself shocked, totally shocked to hear the words leap past my lips. Of course my look of shock is nothing compared to my children’s look of shock, which involves wide eyes, gaping mouths and pointing fingers followed by the chant “You swore, Dad, you swore, I can’t believe you swore. Dad, you swore” repeated until I swear again.

It turns out that cussing runs in my family, just like our addiction to Pepsi. I inherited my cussing from my dad. When my mom told me this I thought it was strange because I do not recall having heard my dad cuss a great deal when I was young, but apparently he was considered one of the greatest colorful speakers of his age when growing up in the woods of North Carolina. It seems he reached the pinnacle of his cussing career as a small boy of not much more than 6 or 7 when he asked if he could go to work with his dad and was told no. My dad did not care for this answer in the least and so he stood up on the fence post of the corral and proceeded to pelt my grandfather with so many cuss words used in so many varied and colorful ways that even the pigs and chickens began to blush and turn away. My grandfather could not stop laughing long enough to punish his young son, but I guess my grandmother could and when she heard of the cussing my dad had given his dad she took care of the problem. I’m not entirely sure what she did to take care of the problem, but it must have worked because my dad hasn’t had too many cuss words slip out of his mouth since then.

But I have. As a boy I used to practice cussing safely out of hearing range from my mom and dad. I would load my mouth with a cuss or two and let them roll around on my tongue, trying out the feel of them before letting them spit out “blankety blank,” I would say to myself, feeling somehow much more grown up because I had cussed. I even replayed conversations I had earlier in the day, only this time sprinkling the conversation with a cuss word or two to give it more flavor. “Why yes mam, I did do my blank homework, thank you very blankety blank much for asking.”

While I would practice my cussing in private, safely out of earshot of anyone who might take a belt to my hindquarters, I did not ever recall sharing my colorful speech with anyone until I became an adult. Then I joined the military. While some people might consider a cuss word or two to be punctuation marks in the spoken word, in the military cuss words are quite often used to fill the spaces between words, because the military abhors unused spaces. I learned this first from my drill instructor and then from every commanding officer I ever had.

“Airman blankety Davis! What blank is blankety wrong blank with blankety you?” I had this question asked of me more times in my military career than I have ever had any question asked of me in my entire life.
At first I tried to answer the blankety blank question sincerely, but I soon learned that it was a rhetorical question, there was no real answer to what was wrong with Airman Davis.

“Sir!” I learned to reply. “I blankety have blankety no blankety idea blankety what blank is blank wrong blankety with blank me, blankety sir!”

After eight years in the military my language was at times so peppered with cuss words that all I did was cuss and by the time I got through cussing I had forgotten what I was actually going to say. So I cussed and started over. It took me almost 10 years to work the cussing out of my vocabulary and as my children will gladly point out, I still cuss from time to time, but it is back to being the exclamation mark of my spoken word, not the filler between the words.

Of course, in my opinion my children cuss as well, even though they will argue the fact. They just use different words then I ever did. While my cuss words are easily identified as cuss words, theirs are a little harder to recognize. They sound an awful lot like the cuss words of old, they’ve just swapped out a letter here or there. So while I will cuss, “blankety blank blank” they will cuss “blinkety blink blink.” I have no idea what the real difference is, but apparently my kids feel that saying “blinkety blink” is not nearly as horrifying as saying “blankety blank.”

My wife, who doesn’t say blankety blank or blinkety blink, has informed all of us that she is tired of all of the blankety blink blink language in our house and if it doesn’t stop soon she is going to take matters into her own hands.

I think she’s talked to my dad and found out how his mom got him to quit cussing, so I think it’s in our best interests to stop all of the blankety blank blink blink cussing…and soon.

Legislative session ends

Representative Kay McIff

This will be my final report. The last piece of important legislation passed the House 27 seconds before midnight. It was one of 796 bills – the most ever introduced in one session. Many of these were “solutions looking for problems,” or as Ronald Reagan once quipped, “Inventing a cure for which there is no known disease.” Hopefully most of these were sorted out. Here follows a brief summary of some things I consider important in the 2008 Legislature.

Education
We added another $25 million for public education. This was added to the approximately 2.5 percent increase in the weighted pupil unit and the $1,700 salary adjustment for every teacher in the state. The downside is that these increases come with strings attached. I favored greater autonomy for local districts, but the majority was bent on micromanaging. Unfortunately, there is very little new money for higher education, but its turn will come. We did set aside $100 million to protect education until the economy rebounds.

Capital Funding Locally
To our good fortune we were able to secure $1.6 million to pay off Snow College’s bonded indebtedness on the Sevier Valley Center. This was one of only two direct cash appropriations for higher education facilities. The other one was the Museum of Natural History at the University of Utah. The Gunnison prison will receive $44 million for expansion and $100,000 toward restoration of the Gunnison Community (Star) theater. Another $150,000 was allocated to the Sanpete Water Conservancy District to help fund a study designed to find a solution to the mudslide problem in 12 Mile Canyon east of Mayfield and Gunnison. In this year of limited funds, District 70 faired quite well.

Appropriation of Mineral
Lease Payments
Last year we adopted a formula for distribution of mineral lease payments related to exchange lands arising from creation of the Grand Staircase National Monument. However, only a portion of these funds were actually appropriated. That has now been remedied. Come mid year, some 25 counties will receive the funds that have been accumulating. Emery will be the largest recipient receiving over $5 million. Garfield and Kane are also major beneficiaries because so much of their land was included in the monument. Sevier and other coal-producing counties will also be appropriately compensated.

Help for School
Districts in Need
School districts with assessed valuation per student below the state average will receive a state-funded base amount of $200,000 with lesser amounts for the more affluent. This will be of enormous benefit to districts like Wayne, Piute, Juab, Tintic, Beaver and others who struggle to fund capital improvements. While I sponsored the provision that led to this “base funding,” the idea actually came from school superintendents in the area, even though not all of their districts are beneficiaries. They were “statesmanlike” in supporting the common good.

Immigration
The legislature took the advice of those who were encouraging caution and restraint until we see what the new federal administration does. Some significant measures were adopted, but the effective date is July of 2009. Hopefully, the feds will get their act together before that date.

Agriculture
The war on cheat grass was also funded, receiving $2 million. This is the best war I can remember. Reducing the risk of major fires keeps the air clean, avoids contributing to global warming, aids the livestock industry, and keeps us safe. Conducting a war where everyone wins is highly unusual. An animal cruelty bill passed but a felony penalty was limited to torturing a “companion” dog or cat. Farmers and ranchers can live with this.

Cities and Towns
Cities and towns will now be able to bank water for future needs with reduced risk of forfeiture. Intent language which I drafted was adopted by both houses. It is designed to foster the stated objective while avoiding unintended consequences. The law governing incorporation of new towns was rewritten to require endorsement by a majority of citizens. This corrects prior bad legislation that placed control in the hands of developers.

Transportation
I-15 expansion and reconstruction in Utah County will move forward aggressively but not to the exclusion of other more limited projects throughout the state. I will continue to press for work on Highway 6. We will be obliged to bond, but will review the funding subject a year from now. I will not vote for a financial package that will compromise Utah’s AAA bond rating nor its recognized stature as the best managed state in the union. Moreover, I expect Utah County will be willing to tax itself to help this massive undertaking.

Office of Coal Mine Safety
I joined with Senator Dmitrich, in the House and Senate respectively, in sponsoring a bill which establishes the Office of Coal Mine Safety in the Utah Labor Commission. The legislation stems from the tragic loss of six miners at the Crandall Canyon Coal Mine on Aug. 6, and another three in a rescue effort 10 days later. The bill mirrors the recommendation of the Mine Safety Commission appointed by the governor and on which I was privileged to serve. It is our fond hope that the newly created Office of Coal Mine Safety will foster a “safety-first” culture and augment and supplement the work of the federal Mine Health and Safety Administration. It is the end design of this effort that Utah coal miners be as safe as humanly possible.

Senator Mike Dmitrich
Retirement
For almost 40 years, Senator Mike Dmitrich has represented Utah’s coal country and beyond with extraordinary distinction and effectiveness in the Utah Legislature. His announced intent to retire caught me off-guard. He has been my friend and mentor for many years. His service has been long on common sense and without pretense, fanfare, or offense. He was always “straight-up” in his style. Whatever he told you, you could “take to the bank.” He has been loved by thoughtful legislators on both sides of the aisle. His kind represents the best in public service. There are some things which we never want to see change. His legislative service fits that description. While we wish him well, he will be sorely missed.