Incompetence that knows no bounds

James L. Davis

In the eyes of my children my incompetence knows no bounds, which means my diabolical plot is all but complete. I realized that my children consider me incompetent when my wife took a trip out of town…for a week.

Before she had made it out the door my children began to pester her about all of the things she needed to do for them before she left.

“Mom, can you make a hair appointment for me before you leave?” My daughter asked with just a hint of panic in her voice. Of course, she usually has a hint of panic or a hint of irritation bordering on violence in her voice whenever she talks. She’s 14. It’s a requirement. The completely useless habit of some people placing more than one exclamation point after a statement for added emphasis was started by a 14 year old, of that I’m sure! No, wait...I mean, I’m sure!!!!

“You know, I think I can make an appointment for you to get your hair done,” I said, I thought reasonably enough. And my daughter rolled her eyes. It was then I realized that my years upon years of saying “I don’t know, “ or “I’m not sure I know how to do that,” had finally come to fruition. I was now completely useless to my children.

Glory days! I mean, Glory Days!!!!

I reminded my daughter that in her 14 years of life she had spent almost a third of that time with me as a single parent and she looked at me and said “I remember.” The look on her face was one of awe that she had somehow survived the experience.

So when my wife packed her bags and went off to the big city for a week of training, I knew that I would miss her but I was not terribly worried about maintaining things while she was gone. I had managed to keep things reasonably together when single, I figured I could do it again for a week. Besides, the incompetence I liked to present to my children to keep them from expecting too much from me was a work of fiction. Or so I thought.

The difference between my being a single parent six years ago and my being left alone with three maniacal children for a week now, is that six years ago I had no choice, it was a matter of survival. I had two children that counted on me and absolutely no one to pawn my responsibility off on, so I had to find a way to keep things afloat. Take feeding your children, for instance. I never have, nor will I ever have any desire to be a great cook, yet my children still expect to be fed. Which is why when I was a single parent I discovered the joys of canned foods, frozen pizza and macaroni and cheese. Chef Boyardee was an honored guest in our home. He was the savior of my children and my personal hero. I love Chef Boyardee like a brother and so it was when my wife went out of town I thought I would invite Chef Boyardee back into the house. My wife is not a huge fan of the good chef or anything else out of a can. Canned food in our home has lost its place of honor as the main staple in the family diet to the desperation of Fend for Yourself Night, which are those nights when too many of us are running in too many different directions at once to make an actual meal. So when trying to return canned food to a place of honor during our week on our own, the children were at first fine with the idea and then later realized that canned food was a sad imitation for a homemade meal. So I tried my hand at making a homemade meal and then the children were fine with canned food until Mom returned.

The difference between then and now is that our children now have a point of reference for how things are supposed to be. They know that they aren’t stuck with just me to fend for them, so they not only desire someone who is more competent; they know that person is available, or soon will be. Competition makes being incompetent a difficult task.

The absolute brilliance required in being truly incompetent staggers the imagination. To be so incompetent that your children preface every question to you with “is Mom home?” takes more dedication, more commitment, than the average person will ever realize. It has taken years to perfect the blank stare I can produce at a moment’s notice when asked if I can sew a button on a shirt, find a safety pin, help with math assignments or give fashion advice that actually bears any resemblance to current fashion. If you are wondering how I developed this blank stare I give to my children…I learned it from my children. They are the true masters.

So while I survived the week of being a single parent by relying on my incompetence skills, my children were desperate for their mother to return home.

Now my children speak to me as if I am a small child that is easily confused, which is the true testament to my diabolical brilliance.

Everything proceeded exactly as I had planned! I mean, everything proceeded exactly as I had planned!!!

Editorial
Public Meetings: Always a Challenge

James L. Davis

Sitting in a city meeting one night, a local resident came and sat down beside me and as a slow progression was made down the agenda items he leaned over and asked me if I enjoyed going to so many public meetings.
I nodded and whispered sure, but perhaps the glazed look in my eyes said something else entirely because he grinned, sat back and said “yeah, me either.”

With nine municipalities in the county and numerous county department public meetings in a given month, there is never a shortage of meetings to attend. Balancing what meetings can be attended with what meetings can’t be attended is usually a juggling act, and the next week’s meeting agenda is always a subject for discussion in the newspaper’s weekly staff meeting. It is never a matter of should we attend a meeting, but rather how far can we stretch ourselves to attend as many meetings as possible.

We do so not because we love public meetings. Public meetings are not designed to be an entertaining event, although sometimes they certainly are. We attend public meetings and report on public meetings because it is our job as the staff of a community newspaper to do so. Public meetings are one of the major sources of news for a community.

In reporting on public meetings the staff of The Emery County Review can usually leave a meeting with a number of items that can be developed into separate stories. Sometimes, when there is an issue of particular interest to the community or an issue that has a community divided, the meeting itself becomes a news story. When that happens we strive to report the meeting as it happened, as accurately as possible.

The media as a whole is often accused of sensationalizing the news and far too often, the accusation is deserved. That is why at The Emery County Review when reporting on a public meeting where issues have been debated, we try to print comments from both sides as equally and as balanced as we can. Of course, whenever reporting an issue where there are deep feelings for or against something, a newspaper will more often than not be accused of bias one way or the other. As a staff we know that will happen and if we receive complaints of bias from both sides of an issue we generally feel that we are doing our job. Occasionally a journalist will even get calls where both sides of a decisive issue report that they feel they have been treated fairly in an article and those are the days that make us smile.

There are those that would perhaps wish that we didn’t report on heated public meetings at all, but to not do so would leave the facts of public meetings to speculation and rumor. After sitting in on more public meetings than I care to remember, the one thing that is most often absent from a public meeting is the public. That’s where a community newspaper comes in.

The task for the staff of a community newspaper is to report on events taking place that you might not be aware of. It’s a part of the job we take seriously at The Emery County Review…even if we can’t honestly profess to a love for public meetings.

No Winners in Immigration Debate

Representative Kay McIff

Budgets
Revenue projections out last Monday are some $360 million short of those released in December. We will have to tighten our belts. Education funding will remain the top priority, but the numbers will likely be less than last year. Discretionary projects will not fare as well. Tax-cuts are unlikely. We will not dip into the “Rainy Day Fund”, since we cannot project the length of the economic down-turn and want to save resources for next year.

Animal Cruelty
It appears we will strengthen the law but hopefully not overdo it. There are two bills moving through the process—one in the Senate and one in the House. They continue to look more and more alike. Each will likely provide for one felony offense—torture of a companion animal --limited to a cat or dog. It’s a compromise acceptable to the major advocates on both sides.

Capital Outlay
Equalization
A legislative task force that worked through the summer failed to come to an agreement. Rapidly growing school districts along the Wasatch front are looking for money. I understand the crunch, but I also believe that growth not only produces challenges, but usually provides the economic vibrancy to meet those challenges. They may have to bond and build, but in the long run, they should be ok. I am more concerned about the districts with stagnant or declining enrollment who generate inadequate funding to replace old or decaying buildings.

Transportation
I-15 in Utah Valley dominates the discussion. It is apparent to all of us who travel in the area that this is a bottleneck and will only get worse. We are geared to increase the number of lanes over the next four to six years, but the expanded capacity will quickly be consumed. Sooner rather than later, we need to develop a route around Utah Valley—probably west of Camp Williams, through Eagle Mountain and on down to Santaquin or Nephi. We also need to complete the upgrade of Highway 6 to Price. I drove it in the dark last week and felt like a boxer bobbing and weaving as the number of lanes moved between 2,3 and 4. It is simply not a safe number in relation to the amount of traffic it carries.

Immigration
There are no winners here. The subject is full of pain. The religious community, including LDS leaders at the highest level, have encouraged “caution, restraint, and compassion.” Business leaders, including Farm Bureau, the Manufacturers Association, the Salt Lake Chamber of Commerce, The Retail Trade Association and others have warned of significant economic consequences from punishing migrant workers and their employers. The governor and the attorney general have decried punishing kids based upon the sins of their parents.
In all of this there is very little harmony, though there are some things on which all agree; secure the borders, find out who is here and get them registered, adopt a reasonable and verifiable worker program, avoid granting blanket amnesty, but allow fair, lawful and orderly immigration; continue to press the federal government to get its act together. It alone has the legal capacity to deal with what truly is a national problem.
Beyond these, the opinions vary greatly and the water become murky. It is not possible to please everyone. Here are some principles I attempt to employ in the decision making process: (1) Is it right or wrong? Very few issues can be decided so simply, but some can. Issuing the Emancipation Proclamation was the right thing to do. There’s no question about that. (2) What are the practical realities? Problem solvers are more useful than ideologues. Better to address circumstances as they are, than to spout rhetoric. (3) How do the benefits and burdens fall? Fundamental fairness is of overarching importance. (4) Does it square with constitutional principles? (5) Will the vote stand the test of time?

Sometimes movements develop the impetus of a prairie fire, but don’t look so good after the fire is gone.